March Madness: The Finals! April 8, 2008
Posted by Ryan at April 8, 2008 3:25 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 5 ) | TrackBack
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college Animal Testing basketball March Madness MSU Duke
Here's the moment you've all been waiting for! Thanks to your votes (as well as those on the PETA blog), we have narrowed down our tournament to the final two worst university vivisectors in the nation! They've been through a lot to get here, overcoming an unbelievably tough field of cat killers, monkey maimers, and bunny butchers to reach the finals of this notorious event, so hold your noses and steel yourself for one last dance with the March Mad Scientists ... ladies and gentlemen, you voted to see them here; now let's crown our champion:
MSU vs. Duke
Arthur Weber, Michigan State
Arthur Weber and the MSU team have been trouncing the competition so far, and last week's blowout of Alan Schatzberg and the underperforming Stanford brain butchers (with a score of 12 votes to 0!) has effectively silenced the doubters. Weber's spent 25 years torturing cats by removing their eyes while they're still alive, and given MSU's manhandling of the Stanford team last week, anyone going up against Weber and the Michigan state vivisectors should know that, like the cats who go under Weber's knife, they're in for a world of pain. Leave a comment below to vote for Arthur Weber and MSU to win it all. |
Michael Platt, Duke
Like MSU, Michael Platt's Duke team held their opponents scoreless in last week's semifinal, and their 4-0 victory was more than enough to earn them a place here on the big stage. Platt brings a one-two punch to the fray that's going to be tough to defend against—his two-pronged approach to vivisecting involves drilling metal screws into monkeys' skulls and implanting wire coils under their eyelids. Will Platt's technical expertise with the brain screws be enough to get him past this final hurdle? Only you can decide. Leave a comment below to vote for Michael Platt and the Duke Devils to bring home the title. |
Happy voting, and be sure to tune in next week when we crown the winner and take a nostalgic walk back through some of the tournament's highlights and disappointments.
Vote for the "March Mad Scientists"! March 18, 2008
Posted by Ryan at March 18, 2008 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments ( 3 ) | TrackBackAs you probably already know, it's March Madness time college basketball teams out there! I'm sure you've all filled out your NCAA brackets and made your predictions. Well, now it's time to play another fun game: Vote for the Worst University Vivisector!
These people get paid lots of money, and abuse animals in horrific ways. As far as I'm concerned, they're all losers. It's going to be up to you to determine the final winner though, so choose wisely!
Without further adieu, here are the "Sick 16" to start us off!
University of Pittsburgh vs. Michigan State University:
Patrick Kochanek, Pittsburgh.
Down in Pittsburgh's secretive laboratories, a team of experimenters lead by Dr. Patrick "Frankenstein" Kochanek are working deep into the night to reanimate the corpses of dogs, pigs, and mice. Seriously, I couldn't make this crap up if I wanted to: Under Kochanek's cold-hearted guidance, a group of "scientists" drain the blood from animals for up to three hours, pump an ice-cold salt solution into their veins until they're scientifically dead, then shock them back alive. The animals usually suffer massive physical and psychological trauma in the process, but that's a small price to pay for a zombie army, right? Right?? |
Arthur Weber, Michigan State.
Michigan State University's Arthur Weber ain't afraid of no zombies. This guy has a signature move that would frighten even the undead. This cat torturer's got his technique down pat: First he injures their optic nerve, then he dissects the overlying tissues, inserts a surgical hook, and places a clamp on the nerve. Next on the agenda: Wait for seven days until it's time to remove the cats' eyes while they're still alive! Then it's killing time, and you just know he likes that part the best—Weber's been at this game for more than 25 years. That's a whole lot of cats! |
Only one of these contenders can advance to the next round, so choose carefully! Cast your vote for the vilest vivisector using the form below, and feel free to leave a comment explaining your selection.
The cheat sheet will help you decide which other universities deserve to advance, and we'll be back next week with the Evil Eight! Stay tuned!!!
Use the dropdown menus to pick a winner!
