The peta2 Advice Blog September 5, 2008

Your grandma's a sweet lady, but she doesn't quite get your animal rights activism. What should you do?

My grandma continues to buy me animal products (like wool sweaters and leather shoes), even though I've told her I won't wear them. How can I get the message through to her without being mean? I know she means well. - Doesn't Want to Hurt Gram's Feelings

This is a tough one that we all have to deal with. What worked for me was discussing with my mom exactly what I can and cannot wear as a vegan (she had no idea that I couldn't wear silk). She then passed along this information to the rest of my family when they asked her for advice about presents. With her fully educated on the ins and outs of vegan clothing I have many less returns come holidays and my birthday! If you don't think that same strategy will work for you, I would recommend shopping or looking at magazines with your grandmother and pointing out things that you do and don't like. Make sure to emphasize things like "Oh I love those shoes! And they are made of man-made materials, so I can wear them!" or "That sweater is really pretty but I it looks like it has wool in it so I couldn't wear it". She'll get the hint eventually! - Ashleigh

I agree with Ashleigh! This was a reoccurring issue for me over the years because I wasn't assertive enough to address it with family members. It wasn't until very recently that I finally decided to say something at any given opportunity, but without sounding preachy (that's the last thing people want to hear!) When a family member mentions wool, leather, silk, or fur—I always find a way to mention alternatives. More often than not, if your family is anything like mine, you may be bombarded with questions surrounding your reasons for choosing alternatives to those fabrics. See this as an opportunity for education! Most of my family members had absolutely no idea about what's happening behind closed doors in the fur industry—and unfortunately, most people don't think about the fact that they're wearing chemically treated animal skin (seriously, wtf?) when they're wearing leather. To give you an example of how this can quickly take a turn for the better—my mother is now seeking a pleather coat for the winter, and no longer wears any products that are leather. Good luck! - Shan

Some people can be fairly set in their ways—however, that doesn't mean they can't/won't change! Usually it just takes some patience and time. As Ashleigh and Shan mentioned, be sure to talk up all the animal-friendly alternatives to your Gram. Maybe she doesn't even really realize they exist. Explain to your grandma that you really appreciate her presents, but preventing animal suffering means a lot to you, too, and you, under no circumstances, are willing to wear dead animals. Be firm, but nice. C'mon, what grandparent can't appreciate their grandkid standing up for something that's important to them? - Marta

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