Vote for the "March Mad Scientists"! March 18, 2008
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As you probably already know, it's March Madness time college basketball teams out there! I'm sure you've all filled out your NCAA brackets and made your predictions. Well, now it's time to play another fun game: Vote for the Worst University Vivisector!
These people get paid lots of money, and abuse animals in horrific ways. As far as I'm concerned, they're all losers. It's going to be up to you to determine the final winner though, so choose wisely!
Without further adieu, here are the "Sick 16" to start us off!
University of Pittsburgh vs. Michigan State University:
Patrick Kochanek, Pittsburgh.
Down in Pittsburgh's secretive laboratories, a team of experimenters lead by Dr. Patrick "Frankenstein" Kochanek are working deep into the night to reanimate the corpses of dogs, pigs, and mice. Seriously, I couldn't make this crap up if I wanted to: Under Kochanek's cold-hearted guidance, a group of "scientists" drain the blood from animals for up to three hours, pump an ice-cold salt solution into their veins until they're scientifically dead, then shock them back alive. The animals usually suffer massive physical and psychological trauma in the process, but that's a small price to pay for a zombie army, right? Right?? |
Arthur Weber, Michigan State.
Michigan State University's Arthur Weber ain't afraid of no zombies. This guy has a signature move that would frighten even the undead. This cat torturer's got his technique down pat: First he injures their optic nerve, then he dissects the overlying tissues, inserts a surgical hook, and places a clamp on the nerve. Next on the agenda: Wait for seven days until it's time to remove the cats' eyes while they're still alive! Then it's killing time, and you just know he likes that part the best—Weber's been at this game for more than 25 years. That's a whole lot of cats! |
Only one of these contenders can advance to the next round, so choose carefully! Cast your vote for the vilest vivisector using the form below, and feel free to leave a comment explaining your selection.
The cheat sheet will help you decide which other universities deserve to advance, and we'll be back next week with the Evil Eight! Stay tuned!!!
Use the dropdown menus to pick a winner!
Comments
Riveting stuff!
Posted by: Jack at March 18, 2008 5:18 PMIt's hard to decide what's more disgusting. What makes them think they have the right to do this? Ignorant bigots....how about a little compassion?!
Posted by: Destiney at March 19, 2008 8:46 AMPost a comment
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The "cheat sheet" is terrifying - I can't believe people are still allowed to do these sorts of experiments on animals; it's just torture by a different name.
Posted by: Little_Lotte at March 18, 2008 2:53 PM